Archive | June, 2018

A lesson of Ramadan

13 Jun

Dear earth,
How are you guys? Well, it’s always be like these. I lost my thoughts (well some people can say it’s just an existence) after my previous post in earlier this year.
‌Took so many months to just push myself to write again. I did had a lot of things to spill, I had so many great experiences to share. But then it just floated to somewhere without any realization. I don’t know what happen. To mention that “time” as reason sometimes sounds cliché but it’s. I drowned myself in these all fun (or too much fun) activities that somehow sometime can easily turn into boring stuffs. Working, parenting, household activity, traffic to work, sleepiness, charity activity, playing with daughter. Yes, sometimes these tiring-amazing things can lead into boredom (yet I can’t imagine how my wife’s day is). These stuffs turns me into a zombie, holding my fingers to type more words, blocking my eyes to read more words and pulled me out of my curiosity, intensity, to learn more, to try something’s new or even just to keep my mind’s sharp (practices).

‌Then I felt myself easily tired, uneasy to focus, sleepy, hungry, degrading hearing ability, white hairs flooding and spreading in my head like they just doing the binary fusion every second. I realize that this made me really hard to concentrate, especially in a discussion, especially to understand, to react and answer people’s question.
‌As it started become a desperation, I tried to keep myself steady by surfing through the social media and playing the video games. The fact that’s not helping me either and I should’ve just blame those and not to blame the time. But in the end I probably would scream that what I really need is just time, more time. LOL

‌Ah yeah that’s just the prologue of my post anyway. The bottom line is I’m running out of time to study, learn and write. Instead of to use my time efficiently, I’d rather to waste it with games and social media. LOL

‌So it’s already reach the mid-year. As reflection, I haven’t do anything worth, I even can’t match how my last year’s struggling activity. And now already Ramadan (well because I’m late to execute this, it’s almost in the end of Ramadan), the holy month for moslem. A month where moslem told to battle themselves as they had to fast for a day (no eat, no drink), limit their anger, hold their sexual desires, locked out their negativity thoughts and bad words.

‌Physically, we are handicap. Emotionally, we are restricted. At this condition, I always think that we were told to feels and emphasis how animal’s live. When we can’t pass this challenges and test, we are the same like the animal, or even worse.
‌Another point is, we were told to realize how to limit the unlimited things in a complete human, physically and psychologically. Those two actually can sort what we need and what we want but sometimes it easy to blur also. As example, when we are breaking the fast, our stomach may easily full with just small amount food. Though that small amount are never enough for us in a normal ordinary day without fasting. Our body sort things that really important and tells our mind to stop eat the unnecessary. But sometime we are just a greedy and end it up by trying to eat as much as we want and we eat till death.
‌How’s my Ramadan? Quite ok. So far I just have to battle myself more to the sleepiness. Since I wasn’t sleeping at all after the sahur. And this sleepiness is a test when you have to ride motorbike for hours. This year’s less physical work, no fieldwork. 3 years ago I had to deal with illness for some weeks, in the middle of fieldwork too. Thought that I will be safe from that, the fact I got diarrhea just almost in the end of Ramadan. Like last year I had to do the fasting during the fieldwork (well it’s just a couple day, but I was quite weak for sure)

Besides that, I do experience a new thing, such as babysitting a 17 months old daughter that really a test of patient. She runs, cries, plays, she’s not easy to be fed.
‌The other problem is I don’t know why I can’t force myself to do the table work. This brain is just failed to work on write and read activity.  Another interesting part is, I tried to minimize all toxic thoughts that usually were easily spread in your circle. I start to unfollow some toxic person, I even block some of them too.. I feel relieve, I find my peace, finally it’s a good choice.

‌ Too bad that it’s almost reach the end of Ramadan. I learn that after all these years, sometimes we have to limit our unlimited, especially desire. We really have to sort things that we really need before it fulfill our tank too much  and stuck, or before we turn into a greedy bastards. Sometimes we just have to fast and not randomly eat anything. As like last year I succeed to run many things, but then this year I can’t even match the same goals and level. Perhaps it’s a downgrade, but probably I also don’t need that too much. And by fasting, perhaps I can get a complete better proportion of living. I just realized that it’s sad to shut down my charity program for uncertain time, it’s sad to limit my other charity activity, it’s sad to hold my productivity as it may good for my body and mental health, it may good for my family (family time, yeah!), though it’s arguably too for my satisfaction itself.

‌well at least a new thing learnt by this year’s Ramadan. Hopefully.

‌hoping to see Ramadan again next year, as i might learn new things again.

happy Ramadan, we will celebrate our victory in Eidul fitri soon.

See you all again in the next post soon.