Archive | August, 2016

Officially 30

20 Aug

Never thought that I can reach this age. Usually a night before my birthday rolls, I take some alone-moments, somekind of “me” time, just to sit and think. A bit of contemplation and reflection. Then it continues with write down this kind of crappy shit that soon I’d share to the world, looking for “like” and “share”.LOL.

Well basically it is..hahaha

The other tradition that I did in the past, well at least in the last of three years, I set a “time machine” game. So, start from the 1st August until my birthday, I changes my social media’s profile picture gradually every 2 or 3 days. Ideally, I changed my profile picture fron the oldest one into the newest one. Just to remind myself how time rolls and I did change in time, even it’s just a bit. In the beginning, I set my profile picture according the age. From children, teens, adults and the latest one. Then it turns out bit bored to do it every year. So in advance, I move forward to set it. I’d change my profile picture started from my latest birthday into the picture that I’m going through the year. But this year, i couldn’t do it either.

When I was a child, the excitement for birthday is always the same, a birthday’s present! But then the world begin to sucks, life’s a bitch and I do hate my life. It took me to another anxiety. I’d just vanish and dissapear before I kill myself with this anxiety. I’m afraid that people are disturbed by my appearance and yes it is happening. In contrast, I do afraid losing people around me, I do afraid living alone. But after I see the small pieces of happiness in life, I tried to change it a bit, just a little bit, I swear. You know life’s a bitch for sure, it’s a pain in the ass, but i try to enjoy it in each second. They said no pain, no gain. It’s true. There’s always something relieving after the hard time. I’m not pointing the boner stuff, but maybe a better visualization is just like when you running to the closest toilet to dump your shit. So basically I’m just trying to enjoy my shitty moment but not that comfortable sitting toilet, in fact it’s the ducking toilet.

Anyway, I remember my old words couple years ago, it was on my birthday moment also. At that time, i was pretending to be wise and said (well in the bottom line), human have better position to help others that don’t have any better option. So that’s also my self reminder to not waste my time since I belong to other’s. In this condition, I can just name it for the sake of the wildlife. In this short life, I waste years by years pretending to help wildlife, but nothing’s change, yes it gets worse.But, hey, who am I anyway? There’s plenty people out there who are better than me. I’m just tiny notch in the universe, a nano particle, pretending :p

So yeah, I just figure it out again couple minute ago by the way. To be naive person.Putting faith that things will be better as along as you live and act.but again, life is short, and you’re nothing but fail. Here I press my pessimistic button. If you can stop it, make people aware to stop it. Optimistic makes plane, pessimistic makes parachute. Get rich, or die tryin’ dude.

Have I mentioned that I’m afraid to live alone? I did, so I urge to not become that. I get a priceless birthday’s gift this year. A cute ex-girlfriend who already became a cute wife now, soon we’ll have a child and I’m not alone anymore!yeay!

And this small family will become my greatest team to fulfill my mission!yeay!

But, the problem of this birthday is, you can’t dodge the fact that you’re getting older. That stupid crackling knee, this swollen belly, chubby cheeks, fat ass, these women-tits, wrinkles in my face, the white hairs, the back pain, the loss of hearing and sight, the double pedal heartbeat, the deep breath sufficated lung. Oh I hate those things! Especially when you realize that you officially reach 30 years old and join the club.

Then you see your wife next to you, smirking while pealing your crusting wound. Time to leave the message:



I’m sorry for the long post. Here’s my very small birthday party. As a javanese i celebrate the long-live with noodle, the long-live noodle. Praise the Lord!