Archive | April, 2016


20 Apr

On to the 6th year of my carrier’s life. Things just rolls very fast. I felt just like slipping in a worm hole then reached this day, regretting about skipping so many fortunate event, praising many happy moment that I already taste and proud. It was started at 2010, yeah it’s a bit long, many things happen, but it feels just like yesterday when I received that phone call, asking my will to work very soon in some random-unknown wildlife conservation center (but now it’s famous and familiar in people’s ear). My parents proud, well I think it’s more to my dad. He said to his fellows that his son already got a job in Kalimantan, even though he hasn’t finished his school yet. Then you could imagine how cool that was. My mom was still thinking that actually I could work in normal office, driving car, just like those young hipster executive workers (labor in a suit). But the problem is… She sent me to a veterinary medicine school, so I guess I have to be a veterinarian, means I have to take care and treat animals (well thank God I don’t have to talk to them too). So yeah, my mom still felt insecure of how I run my carrier (until last year maybe), my dad is proud because he thought I was a special guy in this veterinary medicine world. The fact that the institution that I’ve been work for 3 years and 10 months, chose me just because I’m the only male applicant. Well it’s logic, since nobody else want to work in a remote place with lack of facilities, working with wild animals and lame salary. But I loved it. I loved to work with wildlife and try to save them, it’s my passion since I was in university. So literally I was paid to do things that I really love. Why I should skipped the chances? So I said yes, arranged the flight ticket and pushed my dean to graduate me earlier than anyone in my class.

It was a sacrifice of my younger age, stuck in the middle of nowhere many years, taking care hundreds of gibbons, couple of sun bears, crocs and many others. Just in one year, I got promoted as the vet coordinator, coordinating vets in Sumatra and Kalimantan branches. Some kind of tough guy huh? Yeah, but I’m the only male vet, the longest one, the youngest and since the others were already leaving.

My idealism wasn’t just work to make money. But to create something, this idea sometime far from reality. Especially when your resources are limited, your superior or partner sometime just a moronic asshole without clear passion, or maybe your boss had different perspective about your role, your standard work. It’s a dead end, when you felt things are just deeply different than your thought. That your idea can’t even move the system, your spirit ruin, nobody understand you. It can’t be force, you’ll ruin it soon, all of your hard works, failed. Just like when you flip your omelet too hard and too soon, you’ll ruin it. Sometime we really want to be a loyal person and very committed.


But then we realized that things are so complex, far from reality. That’s a point where you have to turn, before too late. So in 2014, I decided to resign, buried all of my dreams. Starting from the zero.

When I mean starting from the zero, it’s really like from the zero. Just like the guys in the station who always said “start from zero’, before they start the pump, to load the gasoline to your vehicle. It’s me applying to a bigger place, the elite team. I was just worried that I couldn’t sell anything from my experience. I was jobless, bit traumatic with non-java condition, veterinarian obviously hasn’t become an important role in Indonesia, so no one will pay you really good. That’s it, no bargaining position. I called my decision.


Then I arrived in the foot of Mount Salak, joining the elite team. But still, I felt like a reserves there. Things were totally different. Different standard and facilities, different cultures, different perspectives, different salary. I have to adapt very quick, I have to learned more, I have to live like a normal people since the place didn’t provide me accommodation. But then also came same problems, same assholes, and same self-esteem issues. But the one that made me really want to struggle and survive is, I meet so many people with great willing to be improve, even though they were just elementary school graduate.  Some of them very serious to learn, at least most of them can operate computer. I did met a person, who stop studying formally after elementary school, became a keeper, then amazingly she can operate SPSS to process data. Some of them continued their education after work in a special course or program since they mostly drop out in the past because of their poor economy condition. These people are so creative and create many cool things that apparently some of more educated people can’t and won’t do it. I mean working with these guys here, really motivated me to work harder together. To learn and study again. Though the consequences, I had to adapt harder also since the works were different. The cultures also totally different. Most of the people here call me doc/ doctor before my name. This is the first time ever, peoples considered me as a vet, and call my title. After 4 years of work! Before, nobody care about it. That’s the one that made me more convenience to work. But then as compensation, I need to change my mindset to see things and cases. Before, cases just stop with blur diagnosis since I don’t have any x-ray machine or blood machine or even good labs around the center. At the present, my clinic have it all. X-ray machine, blood machine, gas anesthetic machine, laparoscopic surgery set, great accessible labs around with available resources to delivery and of course, huge amount of expenses to provide those. So, there is no excuse at all to not dig the cases very well and record it very neat. I have so many available data that can easily process into something great to share, and I did it! I did face so many various patient before, so the patients here are not a new things for me, but with all the great numbers, I study a lot of new things about that, start from anatomy-physiology, to behavior and handling care. The one that made me worried is..i have to deal with pet animals and surgery..Things that I skipped so long ago..and it’s a nightmare when it’s not your favorite part though it’s very cool and fun.


Time flew, two years passed. It wasn’t smooth. Things just like up and down and it will never be fair though. You’re just an ordinary civilian, without any clear obsession and possession. I got called many times, (probably) a stereotypic label and fall for sick and ill. The problem is, you have to fix it by yourself, or at least you’ll bit luckier when there’s family and friend around to cover you. Other thing that might keep you stay motivated is family. I did change my directions into something more serious and meaningful like to build a family. Yes I was marrying a lovely cute girl to make me stay on track, working and creating some more on stuffs for my career. Though I’m not that wealthy enough, I’m trying to be one step closer in my pursuit of happiness.

Surviving the second year in the elite team, the 6th years of my career life means gaining so much efforts for more goals and of course, different and harder challenge. Trusted a new position, which actually I’ve learned it before. Higher position made you easier to fall and I’m scare of that actually. I’ve done it before. I never sure for the position, but Richard Branson once have said, “if you got offer something that you don’t even sure about it, just take it. So you can learn it by the time goes on. I won’t and never feel like this is gonna be something fun and comfortable. It’s not just because I hate the comfort zone that will led you into failure soon, but the atmosphere lately just suck. Why the atmosphere suck? because there are too many peoples around you getting drunk by the comfort zone, and yet they screw everything just because they want the easiest way. Those kinda sucked me on the same black hole you know. It took time to make you realize that everything is wrong and people just blocked their minds and visions about that. The suck atmosphere also affect my mood and my will to carry on the job. It feels so weird when you are heading to wars but no one provided you with proper things except an order to win the battle. Well I’m not a kamikaze fighter anyway, so i need things for distracting and diversing the diversions and distractions. And there I finished an article for a journal, the very first time ever as the first author, though it’s just national journal, but at least i can sum it up on my credit point for my license.



I once had a theory about sitting toilet-comfy zone, and I did wish that my chair was a sitting toilet, so I can just sit and shitting and doing other things without concerning what happen in the world..sitting, shitting and more shitting or maybe sleeping while shitting the whole times. But I believe that my chair is full with all those sharp nails, covered with fire, ready to burn me. It’s not just gonna hurt me in the first touch, it should kill me soon after I sit. Either I’m gonna get killed by sitting on it, or made me become a better and stronger man. They said that only the strongest and the smartest who will survive, but Darwin said, only those who can adapt fast that will survive. Let’s see it for another year with all these goals setting up. If it can’t getting more worth, there’s always an escape button, the ejection seat.


Meanwhile, I can just enjoy where the track’s end, at least until I feel very tired to pump my heart, to synchronize all of these rhymes. I can’t look for more if it just about numbers. But to be honest I need to create more, whatever it is, and whatever it takes. Sometime it sounds cocky, but I’m quite understand that the world still needs me, the wildlife still needs me. Talking about obsession, I haven’t made any different things in my field. So this is still another concern to me. I haven’t think about other fields to work, which friendlier to my family life. But it would be interesting if I could improve myself to be more advance by formal education. Well this small chance sometime teased you many time, to quit the job and continued the education. It’s hard, to prepare the funds, the wasted times, and the doubting result after. In my field work, sometime it’s useless to enroll it. I’ve seen many peoples with higher degree with less appreciation in their works, sometime it’s even worse than some moron with absurd educational background and passion. So I thought it will be useful if the degree were more practical like specialist or some practical courses. Things would set differently though. At the present, maybe I need to design it first. I’m never sure how the future would be. But things should be better if I had those knowledge. Just like when I was taking my promise and vow as a veterinarian at these days, 6 years ago. During your education you were nothing, but then you graduated and had so much courage to fight the challenge, to serve as veterinarian.

There’s always a better option, but life just a matter to choose.


“Batman vs Superman : Dawn of Justice” –> Still A Good Movie To Watch

3 Apr



2 weeks after its premiere, “Batman vs Superman : Dawn of Justice” has become spotlight in the network I guessed. Some people really hate this movie, but some people still love it. Really funny to watch people reacted differently for the movie. Especially when you haven’t watch the movie. Spoilers everywhere..and if it happens in a long time before you watch the movie, I’ll guaranty that you’ll skip the movie. I also almost did that. But I have to be fair to experience this franchise anyway. I love to watch movies, action movies always exciting, and I do love superheroes since I was a child (but then I skipped so many cool things anyway). I’m not a DC comics hardcore fans, Superman was a classic, same with Batman, but I do really love Batman. So it’s a good opportunity to have some chilling time, watching this movie in the cinema, with your lovely wife during the holiday.

It’s not a boring movie, though it’s almost 2 hours. The plot start a bit slow (like man of steel). It’s just like making a looong line until you punch it really hard on the fighting scene. Batman vs Superman, Batman vs Luthor’s guys, Doomsday vs Superman, Doomsday vs Superman and Wonder Woman (??), with Batman as cameo, Superman vs Doomsday…


There’s quite a lot of fight at (almost) the end of movie..

The first most problematic case for the movie is, Ben Affleck starred as Bruce Wayne and Batman which made fans angry and pissed. They had great time with Bale as Batman in Nolan’s movie. They want the same person for this movie, probably they really want things are just the same like Marvel’s treat their packages. Same person, same event, same universe. The other thing is, Ben Affleck really sucks as a superheroes. He did really lame on Daredevil, for sure.

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But how about in this movie? He did it perfectly. Bit fat actually, but that what happen in old man.. Zack Snyder set them as old man… for me it’s ok, but never compare it to Bale or Keaton anyway.

At least he’s better than Kilmer and Clooney.

Some people hate how Batman works very viciously and brutal to beat the scumbags. Yes Batman became very aggressive and less smart to fight, driven by his emotion (or maybe I can say, his “dreams”), but it also happened in Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy. In fact, sometime you’ll find some flops in Nolan’s movie that you’ll find it differently in this movie. I don’t know what’s wrong with Affleck, probably it’s just his face.

So sorry to see him very sad being mocked by many peoples.

Anyway when we talked about Batman, we should pay more attention to his weapon and ride actually.

People also talked about Lex Luthor, cool and mean person but totally a psycho, can turn into freak stammer-scientist that doesn’t even cool. Jesse Eissenberg really a perfect pick to do that, but it’s just weird to see Luthor in that kind of form.


Probably another illogical problem is, the reason why Batman and Superman hate each other in their first impression. You know, God versus God pretending, playing god, they kill bad people in the name of justice. Come on, they’re just jealous for people’s attention?

The most awkward moment? Batman stopped his will to kill Superman, just because their moms have the same name, Martha. It’s totally stupid when Batman strike Superman in the first moment of fight, without even listen any Superman’s word. Then when Superman just one inch from death, it just stopped by “Martha” word.. WTF.

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The awesome part was Wonder woman..She appeared in the middle of the fight between Superman and Doomsday with that “brainwashing” music score, kicks doomsday’s ass and made Batman become cameo. Gal Gadot really cool to role it. She’s hot and kill the awkward fighting scene. When she was announced as the next wonder woman, she also got negative respond like Affleck. But she’s luckier, I guessed.


What more shocking from the movie is the’s bit weird to had it just in the second movie, but it’s just another connecting story of the next project like wonder woman itself, aquaman and justice league. Those are produced by Zack Snyder also.


Well as summary, without judging the movie from the comic adaptation, I have to say that this is one serious good action movie. Especially for those who look for entertainment. A book adaptation’s movie will never satisfy the reader for sure. Though some movie head said that Zack Snyder will become another Michael Bay with unlimited budget, I still like his works and style anyway. If it’s a bad movie, how come it strike the box office?






2 Apr

It takes my nerves to write again.. too many things in mind, too many activities make my time wasted. I just failed one of my 2016’s resolution which is to be more productive writer, at least a blog post for a month. Then I got stuck in my daily activities working as that so called wildlife vet which starting to be a famous profession lately (especially when you are a woman) ..yeah passed couple months without writing any single thing, even though  I succeed to publish an article in a scientific journal for the first time ever as the first author. Anyway, I was too busy for many things that actually really-really-really sucks. I need something to blame in a letter, but hey…it’s too personal and if I do that, there are so many persons insulted. So I need an extra track to run from the reality by writing something stupid but a bit a heavy.

I always irked (this a new word that I found in the dictionary, just trying to dig more vocabularies), angry, to see that so many peoples live with their grudge. They just like living in a terror, always feel paranoid and insecure to see so many things. I’m sure they had a serious traumatic problem in the past. It’s the 2014’s election. It caused so much pain in their life, especially those who couldn’t witness their leader’s victory.  So they choose ridiculous acts to cope with it. Became indifferent, intolerant and ignorance person. These people will consistently to spread hatred. More to be specific, things that had different perspective compare to their principal thought. Especially when it has something to do with the current leader’s move, who they really hate. Those things could be about policies, attitude, sexual preference, symbols and race. But the problem, it always start and end based by religion. Some of the subjects are really uneducated people, but more are educated people and we can see some of them also love to blow the issue regarding of money, support and power. They’ll spread anger about injustice for their religion, spread the hate about things that different according to their faith, talking about stupid victory story of their religion, condemn several brutal act and violence (yet they support it) for the sake of religion command, spreading hoax, spreading stupid cheesy scientific evident  related to the holy book. How this silliest thing really happen and turn more people to be moron. But hey, what can I do? It’s just a matter of people’s choice anyway.

To look for the last couple months, especially in social media (it’s a perfect media to bluff actually), I witnessed a lot of stupid things based by religion spread. Especially when it stated by some religion leaders. People love to consume and follow those command, yet they share it boldly too. No matter whatever it is. What I mean religion leader here, sometime they’re just assholes who provoke and spread stupid things with religion label. These assholes don’t even understand how to describe their religion either sometime. These assholes insist to mention God and religion for their own advantages such as money and power. These assholes made the mayhem. People loosing logic and heart, blunt their mind. Couple decades ago, uneducated peoples easily got oppressed by sins and the consequences, no matter how silly and illogical it was. Today, even when they are well educated, they are easier to be drove. Sins? I believe more to the hatred itself. They can do whatever the religion told just for the sake of heaven and hell, even if it has something to do with breaking the law. Boom! They become Neanderthals with certain religion issues.


How would I supposed react to this? Well.. I don’t know, mostly I disagree with them. I still have self-consciousness, logic, morale, and faith in the different stage compare to them. I passed those religion –dope moment several years ago, I left my religion and moral inside my deepest heart as a very private thing. I consider myself as scientist, which is trying to understand and seek out the truth first then admit it as something. But when I find something that beyond my knowledge, that’s a sign of God.

To be honest, it’s hard to relate abstract thing like religion to something definite like science. But again, I’d love to relate both things one another for some occasion.

For some example in Islam, sometime we found some forbidden things according to the Holy Book without any single clear reason, logically. Let’s just say like when moslem aren’t allow to eat pork. Until now we never know why the reason. Some moslem-scientist-wannabe said because it has something to do with parasite infection that can harmed your body. But hey, every single animals have the same chance to have the parasite, like chicken and cow.

We also debating why dog’s saliva is so much dirty and filth, so we need to do special treatment to clean ’em by using sand or soil to wash it? Research said there are fewer bacterias in dog’s saliva than your cellphone. Also there was argument that the order was made before they invent soap. So by the time goes on, we have more effective way to clean the dirt.


When people condemn how sick and sinful of becoming LGBT, they even think that those LGBT people are should be eliminate and vanish from civilization. Then they relate LGBT to mental ill, sexual transmitted disease and AIDS as a warning of how filthy those sexual preference.. But again, to bring LGBT as the predisposition factor of AIDS and STD is an old issues and lame. HIV can spread by contaminated needle, then you can see how lousy tattoo shop responsible of that, how drugs junkie share the same needle got it, and how your medical facility quite clumsy to use unsterile needle. So that’s why you can get HIV from blood transfusion when the medical facility are clumsy. HIV also spread by brutal sexual activities that swap sexual partners without protection. No matter when you’re a homosexual or heterosexual, as long you are a jerk who fuck recklessly, you’re responsible for that. Studies said that most HIV patient are housewives, yes they are a victim of brutal heterosexual. Since 80’s world psychology association already excluded homosexual form mental illness list. But this will never work for those hardliners.


Some people relate this kind of LGBT are so much worse than animals, since they thought that animals are heterosexuals. But when you’re a biologist or a vet like me, you can see that some animals have this kind of behavior. Whatever the reason, sometime they do fuck the same sex. You need to know how people collect bull’s sperm for artificial insemination. Their sexual drive got turned on by the other bull. Some birds like male goose have the behavior to attach and pleased the dominant male in the pack. I witnessed that also in non-human primate, there were some occasion that the males interested each other than to the female itself, yes they sexually intercourse, male vs male. No scientific theory for that yet, so I keep wondering what happen. Is it we, human, our self, the freak of nature?

Because of consuming religion too hard, we can be so much blunt with our brain. Come on, these already happen. Christian, in the beginning, never believe that earth is rounded globe, rotate and have revolution. Galileo lost his head by the church just because to defend that. Einstein said, that we would dumb or blind if we choose religion or science only. To put on morale, those we really religious and those who atheist can be the same jerk or the same generous people. So it’s not a guaranty though.

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I mean, I had fun to run religion and science in the same place. Sometime I gathered with the other open minded religious people, just to discuss about how science works in religion. We observe evidences in Holy book and relate that to science. Then we’ll found out like the journey of Muhammad during Isra’ Miraj is not just about simple travel one place to another. Probably it’s time journey, since he met with many prophets before his era. Yet he travelled very fast from one place to another, maybe it’s not about he rides an awesome transportation, but maybe he travelled through the black hole, or even the worm hole. To witnessed how the event in Holy book were written randomly in time, probably that’s because the God already practice the quantum physics itself.

To saw the story of Adam and Eve as the first human in the earth, we were predict that probably they are in pithecanthropus form? Neanderthal? I mean we can’t figure it yet when is Adam and Eve alive. In dinosaur time? But then I’m so much sure that they’re not. Since it clear written that after Adam’s children kill their siblings, he witnessed how bird bury the other dead bird. There’s a bird, specifically crow, if it was in dinosaur era, the only flying thing is pterodactyl. But we did it without negativity, without even to doubt our faith.

I start to upset to see religion just make your mind narrow by spreading bullshit and kills other. Each religion teach their flocks that they are the true one, but they also teach people to live in peace and fun, to teach people to care each others, even for some simple thing like animals and nature.Not to drive yourself to be ignorant, indifferent, intolerance and butch those who different

And if your thought are so much faraway from how I thought about religion, please just shut up and move to Arab. I know sometime we only want to hear things that we want to hear, so the other is just hoax. But at least don’t eat it raw. whatever it is