Archive | November, 2011

curl

30 Nov

Wavy sea,bloody road (it’s my term for a very bad road..like the offroad track,sort of it), rocky ,mud,soil,sandy,flood,abration land, storm,rainy,bad flight,delayed,bored,jetlag,dizzy,cold,hot,humid,wet,dry,thirst,hunger,tired..

those hard things apear on my mind during my adventure,my journey to work..and it trigger somekind of anger,but often dissapear after seeing the beauty of mother earth,our home,nature..

beach,mountain,forest,valley,sun…

but there’s always 1 question popped up in my mind..what the hell am i doing here?

i don’t know.just doin what i should do..

some people call it totality,dedication,conditional,idealism, whatever…

and please dear mr.ojek driver,don’t ask me about the advantages of what i’m doing here…it took a days to explain that and maybe you couldn’t understand either if everything stop in a ‘cost’ minded.

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dare to be honest?

27 Nov

I read the news lately about the confession of Dena.Dena formerly known as Renaldy,which was famous as an celebrity while he was a child.then somehow in many forum there’s somekind of buzz about this person.Formerly Renaldi (the little boy star in 90’s era) has turn into Dena a transsexuals.and they put also the pict while he was a cute little boy until become ‘women’..

The news lead into hot topic.many people damned him,but many people surprised with the transformation also..you could check the link over here

http://hot.detik.com/read/2011/11/22/091658/1772542/230/dena–renaldy–rachman-mantan-artis-cilik-yang-kini-transgender

Yes when I see the picture,he perfectly disguised as a women.and then comes the confession.That Renaldi really want to change in to women and it is Dena,his new image.he felt something wrong since he was little.he couldn’t deny that he’s actually man in physical but inside,he’s totally women.many people told him to be honest with his condition,because people around him know that something being hold by him and it is uncomfortable.

So he tried to be honest and made a decision to change him into her.and it started while he was in university. He act and dress like(or maybe as) a women,and he always honest about his past.and dunno somehow everybody support him.but yes,like everyone else’s thought,it is a hard situation for his family.

Even he’s ‘handicap’ it doesn’t mean that he do nothing.he claim that people shouldn’t watch him as an anomaly,handicap.but people should watch him as a normal people.because he could do the same thing like normal.he’s smart since he was child.he was a student of good high school,then a student of the best university in Indonesia and now he study at Italy for master degree. even tough he’s almost transsexuals (because he still don’t do the surgery stuff).

At this point,I just wanna talk about a decision for being honest.it need a great courage and also great ego.in some condition,you are a brave person to be honest for everything.but it need a great ego also to let someone else around you down and upset about the fact of you.it need a great ego to strike the social.

Yeaah being honest about the truth of yourself. it is great for you but maybe not with the others.because things that we keep,hold and hide are things that people won’t hear.

So it become a secret..and we have to lie about it,so people can judge you as a normal and same like them.the secret,the truth of ourself that we hide for,some are small things but some are really big things.less good but most of it are bad.

And we are in the crossroad between honest and lie about the truth of ouself.

You can choose to be a brave and selfish person to be honest about any single thing of you.but you can also to be a chicken and unselfish to lie and keep everything inside,pretend you are normal.

But actually beside the bravery of Dena,I would like also to give my thumb up to the people around him who could very tolerant and support him.because Dena said he’s never being bullied by anyone because of his difference.

So,are you dare to be honest?well not for me :p

indonesia need learn to win

22 Nov

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indonesia held SEA games,the biggest sports festival in south east asia.it’a a big advantages for Indonesia as an home team.until now,the country still leading in medal rank.the target is to be the general champ on the games.which is collect the gold medal as many as possible and it means win every sport that exist in the festival.

so far so good.Still on focus and the gap from 2nd position are save.eventough indonesia still lose in some important sports like soccer.

however if indonesia wim the SEA games.they are not win yet.they are still learn to win.the advantages of being the home team clearly drive indonesia to champion.

but there are so many case that it is faraway from indonesia to win.the spirit of the game is sportivity.and this one that indonesia should learn first.

many news that indonesia use bad way to win.especially when they are facing malaysia.this two country have a great polemic lately.and it is become a great sentimentation.there’re many reports that indonesia side many time try to sabotage game between malaysia.there are many reports,the supporter doing a bad psywar and terror to malaysia.even for the malaysian press also.and the worst one is when indonesian refuse to silent when malaysia national anthem being played.what would it feels like when you sing your national anthem and the crowd over there blowing the horn as loud as possible?

many time i found people who bring sentiment things in game.hello?this is just a game,a sport.why need to be that silly and pathetic like that?sport s a sport,win or lose,enjoy the game.it had nothing to do with politic,war and sentiment.be wise and smart people!

shame on us indonesia.we all need to learn to win.the real win

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I proud and love wearing that uniform

16 Nov

Do you all realize what clothes i usually wear ?

That’s right. that kinda brown blouse with three badges on it. I often wear it. When i’m working, sightseeing somewhere, travelling around..you can see at my picture album or maybe on Kalaweit video. I proud and love to wear that. it is my organization’s uniform while i was in the university actually. And because it was designed to wear in the field, i always love to wear it. Since i don’t have any field shirts to wear while i’m work, so i wear that. But i prefer to use it for casual time,because i love this clothes.

just take a look at this video, to remind you all guys..

kalaweit video

Yes  the badges representing institution. In the left chest, it is the organization badges., KMPV Pet and Wild Animal FKH Unair (PW). PW  is a vetmed student’s organization for veterinary profession  in pet and wild animal. I grow and develop as best as i can there. and it’s whole lifetime membership for the member. i  build  my character and my passion there. It’s my own sanctuary..So i love and proud of it. In the left arm it is a badge of Chelonia, which is indonesia vetmet student forum for wildlife medicine study. It links me with the others person who have the same passion like me around indonesia. this is a symbol of  a connection, big connection and family.And the last in the right arms is a badges of FKH Unair which is my alma mater, vetmed faculty of airlangga university Surabaya. Well i graduate from that university,not the best one, but i believe it can produce best veterinarian (if they want so).

It is a prove that i my love alma mater,i wear it in most of  occasion in my life so far. Even many times i doubting the university and says bad things about it,it just a critics. even i’m proud of  wearin that ,it not makes me a cocky vet.i’m honest to say the fact and reality for the sake of my alma mater, that actually  my home  university is nothing to be compared with the others. But many colleague from the same  alma mater don’t realize that, they are too cocky and get blind  with the “good” status. and they are well known as a good person inside but well known  as bad persons outside. and many people complain it.

Back to the point,this uniform is really a proud to wear. because with this uniform i can go to Alas Purwo National Park,Nusa Penida island in Bali, Borneo and Sumatera also great moment when i participated in leaf monkey release in East Java. This uniform is a witness when me and my friend comes to international conferrence of wildlife and exhibit our science posters. It’s a witness when we trained by abroad professional instructor for somekind of wildlife medicine workshop. This uniform is a witness how i’m struggling for my passion and dreams. So,it is a proud to wear and i’m loving it very much.

i don’t drive

15 Nov

I don’t drive

Hate to talk about this one. Because it is my weakness. And maybe this thing that pulls me away from sort of relationship. I don’t drive. I can’t and I wouldn’t. Basically ,theoretically I know how to drive, the rule, the law in the street, yes. I know it, sometimes I know it better than people who do driving. But, I don’t have any courage and focus in the street. I can drive bike, motorcycle, car and i do have the car driving license. But i don’t drive.i prefer the public transportation or ask someone to ride in.

Because I’m afraid, I’m panic  and I can’t focus constantly in the street. In many things i live inside of my imagination. Many times i try, some survive and some cancelled because I’m afraid. Actually all I need is just more experience in driving in street , the real traffic not an empty street. but I run, and I don’t have any time and opportunity to do it. So this thing that kinda blocking my way to succeed. Fail in the education, fail in the work fail in the relationship, fail in the sociality. During the whole  my time in university, maybe I’m the only man who don’t drive any private vehicle. I choose to pick and drive by my brother or father and mostly go anywhere with my friends. Some bad words, bad thoughts from other peoples i used to heard it. I try to ignore it.and sometimes i think i’m the one who slowed other because of my weakness.many times.

It was depressing me..some people humiliate me because i can’t drive and is same as faggot or like a sissy boy, or even they told me i’m weaker than women,I’m coward. sometimes they told me that i’m parasites because i always look someone for free ride (at least) to go somewhere..my  family don’t believe me to drive the car.it is hard for me until now. with all that bad images of me who don’t and can’t drive, maybe it’s a reason why women don’t  like me. well be my guest, it’s a hard choice to deal.

When i was fourteenth, i envy my friends because they already have the motorbike, they go anywhere with their vehicle and i don’t. I tell my parents, and they ignore it. My brother already had the family car to go everywhere and i don’t. When at high school, all my friends have motorbike and some driving a car .i’m totally envy. Because i still have to catch the public transports  and sometime wait to be picked up by my brother and sometime luckily my friend let me ride in with them..i couldn’t developed myself better. I can’t hang out with my friends,. I can’t join with the sports club because it will take time until late and my brother feel lazy to pick me up. i can’t watch the concert and doing the band stuff.. i’m stressed up. and some friends also upset with my family condition that (at least) could lift my morale.

And when my friends start to dating someone,i just sit and forget those silly thing.i had a dream when at prompt i could pick a girl with me,and it was just a dream.down in the university,things were the same,until i try to push myself to control the situation.there still no solution for my condition (my parent’s won’t buy me a motor bike and they also don’t believe to drive,great) . So i try to ask  many friend to give me a ride,in every occasions. Class,hang out, organization,sports,bands, practical study,everything. Because i dont want fall all the time like that.i developed,but not with the drive things.it’s a deadend ,deadlock,forget it. I try to ignore what others words,bullying,everything,whatever.i try to be as opportunist as i can with all the consequence being teasing by many persons. Deal with it, bring it on. Thank God,i’m survived..

In some relationship also, many times my friends give me a ride. and my women friends do it too, many times. Even my friends (women)  take me on her motor bike to go somewhere, and it was happen twice. that’s why i don’t date a girl, girl does that to me.

For all that past, it is a traumatic things to start to learn again the driving stuff..because too many thing that more important to do. i don’t know,i don’t care what will happen further. if i could pass the past, it will be the same in the future without driving. Say goodbye on it. I don’t drive, i wouldn’t drive.

Well glad for y’all if  you are  not in the same position like me. You are less pathetic than me then.

RIP my brother : Ahmad Mas’adi Sam, DVM.

10 Nov

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It’s already 3 years since you left.YEAH..still it is very hard to escape all the memory of you.Still thinking about to greet you if you still present,here. You left a lot of thing for me, and also for the others.yet we always think that you are too fast to leave us.you are fucking lucky just like Gie’s said,”Lucky for they who are not being born,lucky for they who die in young age but it’s a disaster for they who live along till old day..”(bad translation maybe.

You told me,teach me how to be an open minded person,to be an open eyed person,and to be a brave person also. Yet i didn’t like you at all at the first,buat now i realize it’s just how the way we look something,and you are right with all your idea.you spread the seed to your youngers,and let them decide how it could be developt. You are the total role model of how a young vet should be. Especially in wildlife medicine.Brave to put everything on bet just to win the welfare of wildlife.indeed your work are totally great.not only in words,but also in acts.it is motivate me to be like you or even better. Still trap in my mind when the time will come? when the time we could just share and discuss about the organization,the wildlife, and everything. Just like you do with your friends at the old time. Just wanna say like this when i could meet you again, “Hi mas!at last now we are a colleague!and we work also in the same theme..”

Now it’s just an unspoken hope for me..you dead,you were burried in the deepest soil.your body ruin mix with the land,your soul already flown to the sky..I just catch the rest of your spirit and make it grow..bigger than yours if icould. I’ve made something that actually your idea at the first.D’alton Project.It is my promise to be better than you,your spirit will carry on forever.no matter what. For the wildlife welfare.. You’re the one who always told us to after our ‘sun’.This is it,step by step i’ll grab it.Thank you for guide me,for guide us. It’s an unforgettable lesson.

And couple days ago i’ve just finished to read Pram’s “ the earth of mankind”..you are the one who told me to know Pram and his works before to lead something..yeah i still remember that.and now,could i lead ?

I always think that you are one of our living legend,but it is funny that you choose to be a real legend.

I have some word for everyone,and it is inspired of you. “don’t be afraid to wet when you playing in the water. Just jump and go with it,get drown into it also if it necessary…

RIP my brother,my friend,my senior,my my enemy,my teacher…

*For those who don’t know who’s the person that i’m talking about, It’s Ahmad Mas’adi Sam,DVM. My senior back at university. He’s 8 years older than me. He’s on of the KMPV PW FKH UA’s best organizator ever. He also one of the founder of CHELONIA (Indonesian vetmed student forum for wildlife medicine study).famous as the best dogshow steward at All Indonesia Kennel Club for East Java region.He had a lot of experience in orangutan in OFI while he was on the university. He spends couple months to volunteering at camp leakey. He made a lot of connection for KMPV PW FKH UA and gain a lot of experiences also,that’s one of his reason why he finished his study on 10 years.He tooks a study for wild banteng in baluran National Park for his bachelor theses Then after become a vet hevolunteering in Way Kambas National Park,work with the elephants.then he become a vet there for couple months. His greatest works is when he joined the animal rescue team in Birma. The last works is when he was on research on wild cat in Sumatera.unfortunately he pased away,drowned by big flood in Way Canguk river on 2008.

RIP my brother : Ahmad Mas’adi Sam, DVM.

10 Nov

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It’s already 3 years since you left.YEAH..still it is very hard to escape all the memory of you.Still thinking about to greet you if you still present,here. You left a lot of thing for me, and also for the others.yet we always think that you are too fast to leave us.you are fucking lucky just like Gie’s said,”Lucky for they who are not being born,lucky for they who die in young age but it’s a disaster for they who live along till old day..”(bad translation maybe.

You told me,teach me how to be an open minded person,to be an open eyed person,and to be a brave person also. Yet i didn’t like you at all at the first,buat now i realize it’s just how the way we look something,and you are right with all your idea.you spread the seed to your youngers,and let them decide how it could be developt. You are the total role model of how a young vet should be. Especially in wildlife medicine.Brave to put everything on bet just to win the welfare of wildlife.indeed your work are totally great.not only in words,but also in acts.it is motivate me to be like you or even better. Still trap in my mind when the time will come? when the time we could just share and discuss about the organization,the wildlife, and everything. Just like you do with your friends at the old time. Just wanna say like this when i could meet you again, “Hi mas!at last now we are a colleague!and we work also in the same theme..”

Now it’s just an unspoken hope for me..you dead,you were burried in the deepest soil.your body ruin mix with the land,your soul already flown to the sky..I just catch the rest of your spirit and make it grow..bigger than yours if icould. I’ve made something that actually your idea at the first.D’alton Project.It is my promise to be better than you,your spirit will carry on forever.no matter what. For the wildlife welfare.. You’re the one who always told us to after our ‘sun’.This is it,step by step i’ll grab it.Thank you for guide me,for guide us. It’s an unforgettable lesson.

And couple days ago i’ve just finished to read Pram’s “ the earth of mankind”..you are the one who told me to know Pram and his works before to lead something..yeah i still remember that.and now,could i lead ?

I always think that you are one of our living legend,but it is funny that you choose to be a real legend.

I have some word for everyone,and it is inspired of you. “don’t be afraid to wet when you playing in the water. Just jump and go with it,get drown into it also if it necessary…

RIP my brother,my friend,my senior,my my enemy,my teacher…

*For those who don’t know who’s the person that i’m talking about, It’s Ahmad Mas’adi Sam,DVM. My senior back at university. He’s 8 years older than me. He’s on of the KMPV PW FKH UA’s best organizator ever. He also one of the founder of CHELONIA (Indonesian vetmed student forum for wildlife medicine study).famous as the best dogshow steward at All Indonesia Kennel Club for East Java region.He had a lot of experience in orangutan in OFI while he was on the university. He spends couple months to volunteering at camp leakey. He made a lot of connection for KMPV PW FKH UA and gain a lot of experiences also,that’s one of his reason why he finished his study on 10 years.He tooks a study for wild banteng in baluran National Park for his bachelor theses Then after become a vet hevolunteering in Way Kambas National Park,work with the elephants.then he become a vet there for couple months. His greatest works is when he joined the animal rescue team in Birma. The last works is when he was on research on wild cat in Sumatera.unfortunately he pased away,drowned by big flood in Way Canguk river on 2008.